My child is deaf. What now?
Photo Credit - Tatiana Syrikova Pexels. Image shows a young girl with light brown hair and white top playing with toys. She is smiling at the camera and raising her arms.
Finding out that your child has hearing problems can cause a range of difficult emotions, shock, grief, denial, guilt, worry. Concern about your child’s education and their future.
Lots of thoughts will start with “will they ever….?” Or “will they be able to…….?”
You may be asking yourself why this happened. There are many different possible causes of deafness and hearing loss, from illness to birth complications and genetics. Sometimes a specific cause may not be identified
90% of deaf children are born to hearing families and most of these families don’t know any deaf people, so have no idea what to expect
It’s a lot to process.
They’re still perfect.
Nothing has changed for your child. They are still the same gorgeous small person that they were before this diagnosis, and they will continue to be the same afterwards. Don’t change the way you play with them or stop reading them stories.
They love spending time with you and these interactions are essential for their development.
Don’t start raising your voice or over exaggerating words. Just speak clearly and don’t cover your face when you talk so they can see your lips moving. Wave at them or touch them to get their attention before you start speaking.
When you’re talking or singing to them, put their hand on your chest or throat so they can feel the vibrations.
Educate yourself
Ask lots of questions when you visit your ENT specialist or audiologist. Find out all you can about the type of hearing loss your child has, whether there’s an underlying medical condition, whether their hearing loss is stable.
An audiogram can be difficult to understand at first. It shows hearing thresholds (the quietest sound you can hear). The axis of the graph show Hz (sound frequencies low to high pitched. And decibels – the loudness of the sound from 0 to 100db.
The letters show the minimum hearing level needed to hear speech sounds. So someone with moderate hearing loss in the high frequencies won’t be able to hear the sounds f, th and s when used in speech.
Getting practical support
There are many professionals who can help you navigate the education system to get the support your child will need. These include Teachers of the Deaf, health visitors, speech and language therapists and other education professionals.
Look into local support groups where you can talk to other parents of deaf children. If there aren’t any in your area you will find some online.
Choosing hearing aids
Your audiologist can advise you on the best hearing aids for your child, but you can also do your own research and find out what’s available.
Whether you decide to get your child hearing aids or cochlear implants, they will still need support to understand the sounds around them until their brain learns to interpret the noise into something they recognise.
Depending on the level of hearing loss or deafness your child has, they may still struggle to understand certain words or sounds. This is because hearing aids can only work with and amplify the hearing that a person has.
Cochlear implants may also take a while to get used to, and your child will still need support whilst doing so.
What to do when your child won’t wear their hearing aids.
It’s going to happen. In the same way that small children will suddenly decide to hate their favourite food, or rebel against wearing clothes, they will keep taking their hearing aids out.
How you deal with this can stop it from becoming a regular battle?
First of all make sure there aren’t any issues with the hearing aids themselves. Check that they fit properly and aren’t causing any discomfort or feedback. Ask your audiologist to check the settings in case they need adjusting.
Wearing hearing aids can take a lot of getting used to. Start with short periods of wearing them and gradually build up the time. During this time do activities where they would notice the difference wearing hearing aids makes – such as reading them a story or playing with musical instruments.
If your child is used to things being quiet, the noise might be overwhelming, especially if you are somewhere busy. If you know you are going somewhere noisy, maybe lower the volume on the hearing aids before you arrive.
Sensitivity to loud noise is common. From my own experience, sounds like brakes screeching or children screaming can make my ear feel like it’s vibrating inside. If the sound is very loud it can be painful.
If you’re used to it being quiet and then your brain is suddenly noticing every sound, it works harder to make sense of everything – and this can be tiring.
Like many hearing aid wearers, I take mine off for a break when I’ve been busy.
Notice if there are certain times or places where your child takes their hearing aids off. Is it somewhere noisy? Could they be feeling self-conscious? Have they just had enough of them for now?
Reasons to learn sign language.
Being able to communicate with your child, whether they are wearing their hearing aids or not, will prevent lots of confusion and frustration for both of you. Learning to sign with them can give them access to language at a crucial time in their development.
In the past, many professionals advised parents that their deaf children shouldn’t learn sign language as it would stop them learning to talk. Many studies such as this one debunk that theory and support bilingualism, suggesting that children who have strong sign language skills can also have a good spoken vocabulary.
Many parents are put off learning to sign due to the costs involved. The British Deaf Association is running a campaign called BSL in our hands, they are hoping to give every deaf child and their families free access to British Sign Language. You can find out more and join the campaign here.
There are other forms of signed communication, including Makaton and Sign Supported English. These are not separate languages as BSL is, but signs based on English to communicate basic needs. There are also visual communication aids where a person can point to a picture of what they need.
Do some research and decide what would work best for your family and the needs of your child.
Need some support?
Finding out your child is deaf or has hearing loss is an emotional rollercoaster. As well as navigating the education system and advocating for them, you also need to deal with the reactions of others, and your own emotions, all whilst trying to do the best for your child.
I grew up with single sided deafness, and lost more hearing later in life due to illness. I now coach people to adapt to hearing loss and would be happy to chat if you need someone to talk to. You can book a free call with me here.
Here are some charities that support people with hearing loss and their families.
National Deaf Children’s Society
Royal Association for Deaf People
Royal National Institute for Deaf People