What’s hearing loss really like?
Photo credit Andrea Gulotta - Pexels. Woman with dark hair in brightly coloured red and yellow dress with a red headscarf. She has one hand on a wooden post and the other behind her ear, as if listening for something, whilst looking into the distance.
“Hi, I have hearing loss”
I get many different reactions when I tell people that I’m deaf. Most are surprised “but you speak so well” or “I never would have known” is a common response, but spoken like its a complement.
A pat on the head. Well done you.
It can feel like hearing loss is a good thing to be able to hide. Hearing aids are getting smaller and smaller, invisible aids to go with an invisible disability.
Neither seen or heard.
When I first got my bone anchored hearing aid I was told “at least you have long hair, you can’t see it at all”
It seemed obvious to everyone that I would want to hide it.
But was I hiding it for myself, or to make them feel better?
Growing up, I was always told that children should be seen and not heard. Back then, the grown ups didn’t like it when children were noisy and took up too much space.
As my hearing got worse, my needs changed. Communication began taking more effort. I didn’t fit in with ‘normal’ anymore, and once again it felt like I was taking up too much space.
It’s no surprise that, people newly facing hearing loss, feel they need to hide it, or try and cope without hearing aids for as long as they can.
There’s a stigma around being deaf and having hearing loss, that relates it to intellect, competence, or age, and that’s just mean. And very wrong.
Advocating for your needs
When you finally work up the courage to explain to friends and family how to help you communicate with them, they are usually very supportive.
Then you’re constantly reminding them to sit on the right side, or speak clearly and take their hands off their face.
Because it’s not obvious, people just forget – or think its not really a big deal. Leaving someone out of a conversation because they can’t hear everyone talking is commonplace. It doesn’t effect them, so they don’t notice.
When you have hearing loss it gets tiring to constantly ask people to repeat themselves, and after a while you stop bothering. Noisy places can become uncomfortably loud. Going out and socialising becomes exhausting.
Eventually you stop bothering to ask people to speak up, because you’re tired of explaining yourself. And most of the time, no one notices the difference, they just think you’re being quiet today.
But you heard me before!
One of the reasons for the confusion and misunderstanding is that hearing loss is different for everyone. They may have hearing loss in higher or lower frequencies.
This doesn't mean just high and low pitches, or how loudly the person is speaking. It's the sounds used to make up words, such as 's', 'f' or 'th' making it difficult to piece together a conversation.
The graph below shows the vowels and consonants that are audible at different frequencies.
As you can see, if you have mild or moderate hearing loss you will find it difficult to hear certain speech sounds. Your hearing may be worse in the lower or higher frequencies, so your ability to hear will depend on which speech sounds are being used. (1)
Someone may able to hear conversation if there’s no background noise, or they may have tinnitus which occasionally drowns everything out. Being outside, or in a room a high ceiling or no carpet can change the acoustics making it harder to make sense of sounds. So their hearing may seem to change from day to day.
Telling people about your hearing loss
When you try to tell people you can’t hear them, the reaction isn’t always positive. There are those who just say ‘never mind’ and continue to talk to the person next to you instead. They say they’ll tell you later, but they forget.
Others speak slowly or shout – which makes lip reading even harder than it already is. There are those who assume the person with you is your carer (even if it’s your teenager), or that you aren’t capable of driving, reading, or speaking for yourself.
The only way to change perceptions and attitudes is to talk about hearing loss more. We need greater deaf awareness and more people in schools and public services who know sign language.
We need people with hearing loss to take up more space.
But we also need support.
If you have a friend who struggles with their hearing, don’t assume they are just having a ‘quiet day’ if they aren’t joining in the conversation. Look at them whilst you’re speaking. Take your hand away from your mouth. Don’t talk and eat at the same time. (No one needs to see that anyway).
Give them time to respond. Take time to repeat yourself without getting frustrated with them. If you’re out for a coffee or a meal, ask the staff to turn the music down. Don’t sit with your back to a window or a bright light.
If you have hearing loss, don’t be ashamed of it. I know it’s scary, but you’re still capable of doing all the things you wanted to do. Every time you tell someone about your hearing loss you are challenging misconceptions about deaf and hard of hearing people.
You’re an advocate. An ambassador for change.
Hearing loss can seem like it changes everything, but you’re still the same person you always were.
Don’t hide. You’re way to important for that.